Wednesday, April 24, 2013

10 Divorce Tips for Men & Women

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  1. Read about divorce. The book Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends is an excellent step-by-step process for working through all the different stages of the divorce. Also download my FREE ebook Divorce Care Package, which offers tools that will help you heal.
  2. Join a divorce support group or create your own through Meetup.com. Hearing other people’s stories helped me accept what was happening and allowed me to see new points of view.
  3. Seek legal advice and obtain a lawyer if necessary. If you and your partner are on good terms, consider mediation or doing the divorce without counsel. Check with your county courthouse to obtain forms and information for completing the divorce yourself. It might be easier than you think.
  4. If you’ve never done therapy before, divorce is a great time to be reflective about your life. Choosing to do therapy might be the best way to nurture yourself during this stressful time.
  5. If you have kids, consider family therapy so they have a neutral place to vent confusing feelings. Hang out with other divorced parents and their kids. Each chapter in the book Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends has a section devoted specifically for kids and divorce. You might use it as a guide to connect with your kids while going through the divorce process.
  6. If your family and friends withdraw or have strong reactions to your divorce, use it as an opportunity to expand your community. Seek out friendships with other divorced people. You might experience a period of time where old friendships fade and a whole new group of people come into your life. Eventually old friends may return when they feel more comfortable. Later you might see that your friends and family were as confused, hurt, and unsure as you were during your divorce.
  7. Divorce is a long process and while grieving you may vacillate between times of happiness and sadness. Take classes, reinvigorate old hobbies, find new communities, explore your creativity, and travel as a way to help you bounce back after the rough patches. Make divorce a time to learn more about you and gravitate towards people who support this personal process of healing and self-discovery.
  8. Care for your body by eating well and getting the rest you need. Commit to regular exercise. Develop a walking routine if you are unable to take on strenuous activity.
  9. Look for places where you feel most happy and spend more time there. For example, being outside in nature, enjoying the sun and beauty was one of my simple solutions to feeling more love.
  10. Engage in a practice of forgiveness towards yourself and your partner. Read my Be Forgiveness book.
If you are experiencing a breakup, separation, or divorce, you may choose to download my FREE ebook Divorce Care Package, which offers tools and ideas for helping you through the process of letting go of a love relationship.

To have me facilitate a workshop or retreat on mending after the loss of love, check out my Web site here.