Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Breaking Up, Divorce and Letting Go

break up breakup divorce learning to let go letting help care package love

In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, 
how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.
I'm terrified of being left behind.

However, underneath my fear of being forgotten is the sense of struggling to let go.

Letting go. I've never been particularly good at letting go. Whether it was letting go of a relationship, project, belief, or routine, I usually stubbornly held on until life forced me to let go.

If you've experienced a recent breakup, separation, or divorce, then at some point you may be wondering, "What was it all about? What did I learn? How did I benefit from having loved this person?"

One of the life lessons I cherish from my divorce is that my ex-husband gave me the incredible gift of learning how to let go. From the time my ex-husband first asked me for a divorce in 2007 until nearly four years later I struggled to hold on to my marriage. I hired this incredible PR and marketing firm called ME to convince him I was the best candidate to be the love of his life. I was relentless in my quest to win him over to the belief that I was worthy to be loved.

Through all my campaigns for affection, I think he did love me, but I couldn't see it because I was too busy outrunning my fear. More importantly, the larger issue I was ignoring is that my fear of being left behind didn't give him the freedom to let go if he needed to grow beyond our relationship. I needed to let go to allow him the freedom to let go.

I did. I finally let go. And it wasn't pretty.

However, later it got better, and I came to trust that two souls could love each beyond this letting go -- a more selfless love than all my desires for security, connection, and affection that had plagued my marriage. I found letting go is perhaps the biggest gift of love I can ever offer another human being. May I have the courage, strength, and grace to always let go.

If you are experiencing a breakup, separation, or divorce, you may choose to download my FREE ebook Divorce Care Package, which offers tools and ideas for helping you through the process of letting go of a love relationship.

To have me facilitate a workshop or retreat on mending after the loss of love, check out my Web site here.