I'm childless, so unfortunately I don't have direct experience with kids and divorce. However, having gone through a divorce, which felt like going through major surgery and then recovery, I can imagine how much immensely difficult it is to remain supportive, stable, and available to children who are along for the ride. I was barely able to be there for myself let alone someone who is counting on me to be there for them.
That being said, from the divorced parents I am friends with, what appears to help the most is creating a small, intimate community of single parents, family, and friends who can help share in the support and raising of their kids during the divorce recovery process. Fathers spending time with other single fathers, going to ball games with the kids, camping, days at the beach or mothers sharing stories, movie night, and childcare with other single mothers.
Sometimes the idea of divorce feels like you have to go it alone, but many times there are single parents going through the same stuff that would relish the opportunity to build a community of support for each other and their kids.
While you are learning to take care of yourself and heal after a divorce, you may need to dedicate time to helping your kids find tools to mend and create a new kind of relationship with you and your former mate. Here are some books that may give you ideas for how to start the process:
Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce
Difficult Questions Kids Ask and Are too Afraid to Ask About Divorce
Mommy and Daddy are Getting Divorced, Helping Children Cope with Divorce
Standing on My Own Two Feet: A Child's Affirmation of Love in the Midst of Divorce
The Divorce Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help you Move Beyond the Break Up
If you are experiencing a breakup, separation, or divorce, you may choose to download my FREE ebook Divorce Care Package, which offers tools and ideas for helping you through the process of letting go of a love relationship.
To have me facilitate a workshop or retreat on mending after the loss of love, check out my Web site here.