Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Growing Up & Breaking Up

Growing Up and Breaking Up by Beth Hemmila of The Breakup Care Package

Sometimes breaking up or divorce is a healthy sign that you or your partner are growing. And as we already know growing up is never easy or without heartache.

As you grow older you learn more about who you are, what you want to do, and who you want to spend time with. If you're moving in a positive direction, you may be developing more self-esteem and taking on more and more responsibility. You may have a whole new set of values that weren't there when you met your partner.

There is a possibility that as you grow up, you and your partner may grow apart. When you separate it's important to keep in mind that as you discover new parts of yourself, you may also see new things in your former partner as they meet and create new relationships with other people. Releasing yourself and your partner from a relationship that may have stagnated is like separating flowers in the garden that have become overgrown -- sometimes you need to uproot them and find a new location for each of them to thrive.

Some people have a mid-life crisis and the timing of this experience coincides with divorce, but what I believe is truly involved is that personal needs have shifted. What you now value and may need might not be what your partner desires as a couple. You've discovered more about yourself and refined your journey.

You've changed the what and who that are important to you. Perhaps you want to shift careers, have more quality time with the kids, and take on new adventures. Alternatively, something you held in common may have disappeared, and you and your partner don't have the connection you once felt such as when the kids have grown up and moved away.

It's scary to spend so much time with another person and realize at some point you'll have to let them go either through death or a process of breaking up. However, growing up and evolving into new people is one way we create more interconnection with the world and continue our spiritual journeys.

Two movies you might check out that are both eloquent and painful in their exploration of the growing up and breaking up process are: