Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Breakup or Divorce: The Gift of Adversity & Building Fortitude

Breakup or Divorce A Gift for Building Fortitude by Beth Hemmila of the Breakup Care Package

Not too long ago I had a dream about a math test that took three days. There was a problem on the test that nobody could solve. It was impossible.

At the end of the test, the teacher asked us why we thought he put an impossible problem on the test. I said that it felt like a spiritual lesson for developing fortitude.


The ability to be courageous when faced with pain or adversity is the essence of fortitude. Some synonyms for fortitude include endurance, resilience, strength of character, steadfastness, strong-mindedness, spirit, and guts.

Experiencing the breakup of a relationship or divorce is a spiritual lesson that will help you develop fortitude. It takes guts to be the dumpee or dumper. No one is a winner. Both sides of the equation come with emotional work to be done.

Right now things might hurt or perhaps you feel ashamed. You might think of these things as burdens that are weighing you down. Why not start thinking of them like weights at the gym that you're using to build muscle?

When you're out of shape, and you pick up a weight of course it's going to be difficult and painful at first, but if you keep practicing soon you will build muscle and strength.

This can be the same experience with a breakup or divorce. It's a problem life has given you as a spiritual tool for building fortitude. See this adversity as a mechanism for growth. Keep working on yourself emotionally and physically. Uncover the stuff you are responsible for that may have contributed to the demise of your relationship. It's the perfect time to come clean and be honest with yourself. Don't let yourself get trapped in a state of victimhood which could put your journey on pause. Instead try to dissolve the barriers holding you back from loving yourself and others. Take healthy risks to build self-confidence. Maintain the well-being of your body. Learn to forgive yourself and others.

Face the denial, anger, sadness, and grief and over time you will build fortitude -- a type of inner strength that perhaps didn't exist before.

More importantly, start to see that it's highly possible this fortitude is something you're going to need further down the road. So embrace your pain as growth for in actuality, your breakup or divorce could be your teacher calling on you to start training for something bigger.