Monday, August 26, 2013

Breakup or Divorce: Curiosity & Being a Pinball Wizard

Breakup of Divorce: Being a Pinball Wizard by Beth Hemmila

Life's changes are a bit like the bumpers and flippers on a pinball machine. Changes propel you outward in new directions. When you breakup or get divorced, you are now bouncing off something that may have been comfortable and once worked for you into a whole new territory. This kind of change can be scary.

Underneath the chaos of a breakup or divorce is a pattern of growth, asking you to stretch and try new things, form new relationships, and see yourself in a new way. A breakup or divorce is throwing you out of your comfort zone into the unknown.

If you can embrace this sensation of drastic change by becoming curious about your life and new experiences, then underneath it all you will sense that you are always at ease no matter the circumstances. In this way, you will know that you are a pinball wizard at one with the seemingly beautiful chaos that is your life.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

New Relationships After a Breakup or Divorce

Growing Relationships After Divorce Beth Hemmila Breakup Care Package

Cast All Your Votes for Dancing
By Hafiz

I know the voice of depression

Still calls to you.

I know those habits that can ruin your life

Still send their invitations.

But you are with the Friend now

And look so much stronger.

You can stay that way

And even bloom!

Keep squeezing drops of the Sun

From your prayers and work and music

And from your companions’ beautiful laughter.

Keep squeezing drops of the Sun

From the sacred hands and glance of your Beloved

And, my dear,

From the most insignificant movements

Of your own holy body.

Learn to recognize the counterfeit coins

That may buy you just a moment of pleasure,

But then drag you for days

Like a broken man

Behind a farting camel.

You are with the Friend now.

Learn what actions of yours delight Him,

What actions of yours bring freedom

And Love.

Whenever you say God’s name, dear pilgrim,

My ears wish my head was missing

So they could finally kiss each other

And applaud all your nourishing wisdom!

O keep squeezing drops of the Sun

From your prayers and work and music

And from your companions’ beautiful laughter

And from the most insignificant movements

Of your own holy body.

Now, sweet one,

Be wise.

Cast all your votes for Dancing!

While I transitioning from marriage to being single again, I spent time with a support group of men and women all experiencing different stages of divorce. When we went our separate ways, a friend sent Hafiz' poem as a goodbye gift.

While reading it, I laughed and cried all at the same time for divorce or breaking up can feel like being a "broken man behind a farting camel." It's both sad and absurdly funny all at the same time.

What makes divorce or a breakup easier is the promise of growing relationships. Though your intimate love relationship might be over, the future is bringing a rich variety of new relationships to learn and grow from.

In the beginning, be aware that these relationships may not include the family and friends you might expect because often they are grieving the loss of your love relationship too. More importantly, they may not include a romantic love interest. Instead you are going to be crossing a bridge with a whole group of unexpected travelers -- new friends.

Some of them may be broken and going through a divorce or breakup alongside you. Others may be healers, teachers, and guides helping you find your way across. Some people might become permission friends and help you refine or cultivate new talents. You may notice a new acquaintance might only be around for a couple of months because their role is simply to break you out of the house so as to have fun again.

Your new friends are going to come in the guise of different genders, ages, and beliefs; however, these kindred spirits are all arriving to help you grow and learn to dance behind a "farting camel."

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Abundance Affirmations for Money, Love and Peace

Divorce and Financial Security Prosperity Affirmations Breakup Care Package

After divorce, one of your biggest concerns may be about money. Maybe you have to downsize from a two income lifestyle to one. Maybe you are the primary caretaker of the kids and the mortgage, and you're afraid your ex partner will no longer contribute. Perhaps you gave up your career to become the stay-at-home parent or relocated for your spouse's work and now you are struggling to become a provider.

Whatever your circumstance, divorce is one of those watershed events that triggers a boatload of fear about your future and financial security. Unfortunately, there is no magic bullet to relieve your fear. My suggestion is to use this experience as an opportunity to dig in and work with your fear and see what it's all about.

After my divorce, I spent 30 days working the 10-step process from my free ebook Lemonade Mantras using negative experiences all related to money. This means that every time I felt scared, angry, frustrated, or ashamed about money I transformed my negative thinking into a positive affirmation.

What I discovered is that many times what is lying beneath our fear about money is a larger anxiety about prosperity -- our love, relationships, peace, health, and safety. Below are positive affirmations that came out of my fears about financial security; however, you'll notice many of them don't mention money at all but something much greater.

Positive Affirmations on Money
Value is Divine collaboration.
The soul of money conforms to my love.
Make life meaningful by trading in karma rewards.
Happiness is free income.
Wild profit loosens the reins on my free spirit.
Wealth is the rich silence of an empty mind.
A wealth of hearts will be my riches.
Being happy with people is the real business.
Let the future ride on chance.
Money improvises at play.
Love is a mirror of wealth.

30 Days of Prosperity Affirmations

  1. In love give your partner most what they feel was taken away.
  2. Keep revealing the I and Thou in all things.
  3. Value is Divine collaboration.
  4. Love nests in the crook of my heart.
  5. Soul arrival is like a home coming and going.
  6. Receive demands like humble requests from God.
  7. The soul of money conforms to my love.
  8. Commerce is the sharing of life medicine.
  9. Make life meaningful by trading in karma rewards.
  10. Your silence has my full attention.
  11. Happiness is free income.
  12. Step into big ideas and expand into your universal skin.
  13. You are a sacred sketch on the universal canvas.
  14. The living moment is completely balanced.
  15. Wild profit loosens the reins on my free spirit. 
  16. Wealth is the rich silence of an empty mind. 
  17. A wealth of hearts will be my riches. 
  18. Meandering is a purpose. 
  19. Easy is a blindfold. 
  20. Being happy with people is the real business.
  21. Let the future ride on chance.
  22. Life is an asking and you are an answering.
  23. Money is an underground railroad of love helping you move forward.
  24. Ease is a wave of abundance.
  25. Enlighten your story. 
  26. Happy is my starting and finishing line.
  27. Money improvises at play.
  28. Love grows by moving forward.
  29. Wanting is remembering I am.
  30. Change believes in me.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Breakup or Divorce: The Cosmic Alarm Clock

breakup divorce beth hemmila alarm clock awareness waking up

The way I see it, certain incidents are like cosmic alarm clocks, you know? They jolt us into awareness. "Wake up!' they scream. 'The time is ripe for your job karma to change!" We ignore such moments at our peril.
- Gay Hendricks and Tinker Lindsay, The First Rule of Ten

I read this quote the other day and realized that a breakup or divorce can be a bit like a wake up call. Maybe before the breakup happened you weren't paying too much attention, but if you let it, the loss of a relationship can bring intense focus to your life.

Just like the harsh shrill of an alarm clock going off at 5:00 am, you might feel some discomfort at first, but gradually some of it gets easier. You will have opportunities to make new decisions, change directions, learn different skills, and deepen your understanding of love.