Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Learning to Forgive Yourself After a Breakup or Divorce






Jeff Buckley's album Grace is probably the only CD that could carry me through the rest of my life. It's timeless. When Jeff Buckley accidentally died in 1997, it was such a shock. In the aftermath, his mother and record label published tunes for his second album called Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk. It was controversial because many people felt Jeff Buckley wouldn't have shared what was his personal sketchbook with the public.

Nevertheless, I found myself drawn to hear his last thoughts recorded raw and free from perfection. Sometimes the album is hard to listen to because it feels like the beginning of something not quite fully realized, but buried amongst the confusion is this incredibly beautiful and haunting chant called New Year's Prayer -- a sort of Persian poem -- about loving and forgiving everything about yourself.

After breaking up or getting a divorce you may start to examine all the dark and loathsome parts of yourself. You many even employ a form of self-punishment so as to keep yourself safe from engaging in new forms of love and relationship. I particularly love Jeff Buckley's insight that we can spend inordinate amount of energy creating our own electric chairs so as to destroy ourselves over and over again as a way to cope with shame instead of engaging in the process of forgiving oneself.

I've always found this song a comfort, a call to consciously forgive yourself for your past actions, and an invitation to accept your life so as to create anew. To learn how to forgive yourself and your ex, download my free ebook Be Forgiveness by clicking here.  

New Year's Prayer
by Jeff Buckley

Ooh, fall in light, fall in light, fall in light, fall in light
Feel no shame for what you are

Feel no shame for what you are

Feel no shame for what you are

Feel no shame for what you are

Feel no shame for what you are
As you now are in your blood, fall in light

Feel no shame for what you are

Feel no shame for what you are

Feel it as a water fall, fall in light

Ooh, fall in light, fall in light, fall in light

Ooh, fall in light, fall in light, fall in light

Grow in light

Stand absolved

Behind your electric chair, dancing

Stand absolved

Behind your electric chair, dancing
Past the sound within the sound

Past the voice within the voice

Leave your office, run past your funeral

Leave your home, car, leave your pulpit

Join us in the streets where we
Join us in the streets where we

Don't belong, don't belong

You and the stars, throwing light

Ooh, fall, fall

Ooh, fall in light, fall in light, fall in light

Ooh, fall in light, fall in light, fall in light

Grow in light